In the early 1930’s, my grandmother was in labor, but something was wrong. A doctor came to my grandfather who was in the waiting room and asked, “Do you want to save the mother or the child?” Shocked by the question and terrified at the specter of losing his wife, my grandfather, Poppy, said, “The mother, of course!”
The loss of this lovingly-awaited child in the second trimester was wrenching, as are all late term losses, but how much worse would have been the death of my grandmother for Poppy and my uncle, then a toddler.
My mother, the result of a later, successful pregnancy, told me this story. She would not have been here to do so had Poppy made another choice or not been given a choice. I would not be here either. Nor would my two sisters, their sons, my children, and three grandchildren.
Ronna McDaniel, chair of the RNC crowed “Life wins!” at the overturn of Roe v. Wade. Another GOP leader spoke in glowing terms of family trees now free to flower with the babies that otherwise might have been lost to abortion. In my family, but for the termination of a pregnancy, the branch occupied by ten cherished people would not have sprouted.
30-year-old Izabela Sajbor of Poland was excited about having a sibling for her daughter. When, at 14 weeks, the fetus was discovered to have severe abnormalities and would not likely survive, the family was heartbroken. That Izabela was made to carry it to term was torment. But at 22 weeks, she was admitted to the hospital because her water broke prematurely. She wound up developing a fever and convulsing, but due to Poland’s restrictive abortion laws, the doctors were more concerned about the continued fetal heartbeat than the woman slipping away before them. By the time the baby’s heartbeat stopped, septic shock had set in. It was too late to save Izabela.
The Conservatives touting Roe’s demise as a victory for life are choosing, yet again, to ignore history and the deaths that preceded the ruling, as well as the deaths that will surely follow. Beyond criminal sentencing for those seeking abortion, the states howling “No exceptions!” are sentencing women with ectopic pregnancies and women with botched abortions to death. They are sentencing rape and incest victims to compounded trauma. Celebrants of the evisceration of women’s rights over those of a fetus are also of the party that obstructs social programs to help the vulnerable women and children unwanted pregnancies will most affect. The “victors” are all about birth, but then they wash their hands.
Frantic at the removal of a fetus, but inadequately moved by the deaths of schoolchildren, these self-proclaimed pro-life advocates are the same people who turn bellicose in defending the right to own and brandish – thanks again, Supreme Court - murderous weapons. As grieving families bury their loved ones, the hypocrites turn away and vote no.
“Life wins”? Not so.
11 comments:
Lea, your piece is so on point and well written as always! The “victors” are all about birth, but then they wash their hands says it all. I thought about the very difficult choice your Poppy made and what your dear Mother told you and thought, if he had chosen differently, I wouldn't have you, Casey, or our sweet Eleanor. I will be forever thankful for his decision and all three of you. xoxo
This is FANTASTIC, Mama. I am sharing this in hopes that this is read many times over by those who will love it and also those who might learn from it.
Thank you for this story! There are so many like this and they need to be told.
When I lived in rural Northeast Pennsylvania from 1988 to 1992 I founded a pro-choice organization kind of unwittingly - it turned out the local politician had gotten elected on a “pro life” ticket. My name was in the papers a lot and I would hear from people and never quite know what their take was going to be. One call I got was from an old lady thanking me, saying she used to be a visiting nurse in New York City and she told of women who would drop their newborns into the East River because they couldn’t care for them. Another time my wusband was buying wood from a local farmer and when he heard his name and identified it with me, he went into the back room… Came back with $50 for the organization, telling a story about when his pregnant wife and he had four children and one can of soup between them - that it was nobody’s business how or why one made a decision to have or keep a child. How it has gotten so holier than thou with the current GOP minding everybody’s business in the bedroom is beyond me. I blame Reagan on down. Trump doesn’t give a shit and has probably paid for numerous abortions himself. He just says what he thinks his uneducated base wants to hear. Thanks for writing this piece, Lea.
I am heartsick over the turn this country has taken. The hypocrisy of those who 2nd amendment arguments center on the rights of the individual over the rights of the masses and who then turn around and take away a woman’s individual right to make her own decisions is appalling. The toll on women, families and society as a whole is staggering. This nation has taken a horrible turn away from supporting those huddled masses to barricading righteous self interests. It’s appalling and disheartening. I have those hard days when I am heavy laden with pessimism, but try to remember that we shall overcome. We ( regardless of gender, sex, skin color, disability, etc) have been burdened and stripped of our rights before, but we will band together and the pendulum will swing back.
Once again Lea, you nailed it! What I feel viscerally, you are able to put eloquently into words on paper. There are so many examples of the hypocrisy of this new overturn of Roe vs Wade. We will unfortunately hear more stories of maternal death and of children unwanted and not properly cared for. Thank you for writing about this sad chapter in history!
Wow, beautifully put. I share your anger and heartache in this situation. Ironically, after years of fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan, we now have them here. All I can say is there must be a deep fear of women slowly growing in equal rights, job status, and pay. They want to exert control over us. Who will win? That remains to be seen.
Beautifully written and well said, Lee!
Thank you. Personally it is simply amazing to imagine that I and my children would not exist had the choice not been available to our grandparents. Need I say more….
Beautifully said, Lea. It is criminal that the people who are celebrating the abortion ban don't want to care for the children once they are born to low-income women, teen-aged mothers, rape victims, victims of incest. No one cares for the women (don't they have a right to life?); no one cares for the children. People who are crowing about gun rights legislation -- didn't the children in Uvalde have a right to life? I hope that we weather this storm, but right now, I am not sure that I see the way to get there.
Thank you all for your stories and comments. It is hard for me to grasp the many things - threats to rights, threats to free and fair elections, threats to our lives because of guns, threats to the planet - that make America unrecognizable and the future seem so insecure. While lying awake the other night - sadly, my usual state until 1:30 or 2:00 - I thought of yet another tragic hypocrisy. Those who support the abortion ban are also those who were content to have babies and children taken from their parents and placed in detention camps at the southern border. This, to deter immigrants. Again, fetuses cause a furor over life and rights while children who are here, and require the security of parental care, food, and comfort were viewed as acceptable collateral damage. Sickening.
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